39 - LETTING GO AND GRABBING ON SPELLS FREEDOM

 There's nothing wrong with wanting more life, but needing it is something quite different. It is the difference between being a free human being and being an addict. The Wanters saver a slice of life every day without the fear that it will be their last, whereas the Needers are so busy fearing there won’t be enough days to even enjoy what days they still have. Not enough is the welcome sign that invites the Dragon in and gives it the power to consume their thoughts with angst and manipulate their behavior.

Not even a good treatment plan is enough for the Needers; the Dragon is always there. They may not be able to see him, but they can always feel him. Those who are in touch with their feelings tell me, “He is so real you can almost smell him.”

But when they give up needing their life, everything changes. The Dragon loses its power over them and they get more of the real thing every day – delicious life without fear. Sounds like mumbo-jumbo! Such a paradox, but true. Just ask the ones who have experienced it. The real question is how did they do it? Read on, they will tell you.

Most of us have been in control of our decisions most of the time. When you make the letting go of life decision you gain control of something else: your thoughts. The one who is addicted to this life is nearly powerless to control his thoughts. He must always be on guard to protect them from fear and anxiety: Will the treatment work? How long will it work? Will it interfere with my life or my appearance, what will people think? And on, and on. As soon as they let their guard down, wham, a discouraging, life-threatening thought floods in, “What if, what if, and what if?”

 Odds are that you have had such thoughts yourself at all kinds of unexpected moments and especially in the middle of night. The fear of losing control of some aspect of your life is a 24-hour proposition. Denial requires a continuous and conscious effort to negate facts and feelings. It is a lot of work, requiring a lot of energy. It is a somewhat effective defense during the waking hours, but it doesn't work at night. Any incongruity between the real facts and our constructed beliefs will destroy our rest at night and dampen the joy of our days.

I have had people tell me, "Sure that makes sense but it is pretty ridiculous. I can't do that. It would mean giving up hope. I've got to have hope."  Yes, hope is essential. But the letting go I am speaking of does not abandon hope. Instead, it expands it. The abandoning only happens if you choose detachment or resignation, i.e., you let go without grabbing on. There is another option. Instead of just giving up and dangling there staring into the abyss, you can give up and let go of the control you never had and grab onto something else – something better.  That, I discovered, is what the Windrunners did.