29 - DEFEAT FEAR or IT CAN DO MORE TO SHAPE YOUR LIFE THAN THE CANCER

IT IS THE DRAGON’S MIGHT WEAPON

One morning I was sharing a cup of coffee with Sue, a wise friend, who had endured arduous treatment for her cancer. She looked great. The clever twinkle had returned to those blue eyes and the effervescence to her smile. Yet when I asked her how she was doing she replied “I’ve been in remission now for two years and I’m doing better than I expected” then, with a quick look over her shoulder and almost in a whisper “but you know, the Dragon is still behind the door! He won’t leave me alone and he shows up at the darndest times.” It was the first time I had heard it put so eloquently, but I had seen it many times before. If you haven’t already experienced this, it is likely you will soon know exactly what she’s talking about.

So I want to help you recognize the fears the serpent will throw at you and how to constructively either avoid or overcome them. You don’t need to kill the Dragon and overcome every fear right away, but you must to learn to recognize them and feel what they are doing to you. The Dragon is up to something; it wants to destroy your run and steal your life.

Wherever there is uncertainty fear lurks. We scarcely know it is there until relief arrives at its departure. Little do we recognize its centrality in directing much of our everyday behavior even before cancer. It doesn't need to rise to the level of tremors, cold sweats and bounding pulse in order to steal our joy or manipulate our decisions. The uncertainties of our lives are legion. They include the insecurity of our jobs, the insufficiency of our bank accounts, the fragility of our relationships, the future of our kids, the strength of our backs, the keenness of our memory,and more. Then the diagnosis of a disease beyond our control adds one more huge uncertainty. The cumulative weight squashes many of us and staggers most everyone else.

Our culture applauds the undaunted courage of those who face adversity and never give up, especially if they prevail, but also if they don’t - even those who have trembled before it, and especially if they moved on in spite of it. Fear can be earthshakingly obvious or extremely subtle. It can be blatantly focused on the process of dying, but more often the focus is subconscious and on other things - about your presupposed rights:  your unalienable right to life itself and your right to control life as you see fit.

Whether you can identify the source of your fear or not, it can still injure your life or impair your treatment. It is a instinctive response to danger, but in the claws of the Dragon, it can become a bigger deal with deeper roots than it seems at first,, so belabor this with me for a while. Go looking for it, and watch your back – the Dragon likes to sneak up on you with it from behind.

For 90% of those whose illness that lasts more than a few weeks, research shows that fear does more to shape their lives than the disease itself!!!

We are going to start with recognizing the fears the serpent will throw at you and how to constructively either avoid or overcome them. But before that let’s address the seduction of denial because if you give into it now, you may ignore everything there is to be said about fear and remain clueless and defenseless.