EASIER BUT NOT BETTER

It may have worked with mom or dad, maybe even with a spouse but it doesn’t work with cancer.Bargaining is what I am talking about. None the less many people improve their behavior just in case an almighty power might reward them with healing grace in exchange. No Rabi, priest or pastor I have spoken with believes that is part of any divine equation, just a dragonish delusion to distract you from reality. Improving your behavior can improve relationships and save your marriage but it won’t save your life unless it involves quitting smoking or meth.  

 IT IS EASIER – BUT IT’S NOT BETTER

It is easier to wallow in self-pity and cash in on sympathy of kind friends. It is easier to veer away from facing reality boldly. It is easier not to think deeply about your life or wrestle with the mysteries of faith. It is easier to check out than to check-in to a new upside down life. It is easier to not even consider the possibility of a new life’s purpose in the midst of it all the changes. It is easier to be swept along letting the disease and its treatment control your life than to live meaningfully in spite of it. It is easier to become attached your cancer and let it become an excuse for every unresolved issue and relationship. It is easier to let your cancer become a perfect excuse to hide behind or even a weapon to manipulate situations and relationships. It is all easier, but it is not better. Better is harder, but it is better. . Beware the harlots of self-pity, victimhood and denial who will gladly suck you in with their seductive voices and distract you from honest living. Life with them is never rich and fulfilling. Instead it is lonely and pitiful because everyone else recognizes what you are doing even if you don’t. .

Once you have discarded denial and have left bargaining behind and stepped over self pity, be ever wary for each to reappear in a different disguise. Then look hard at the fears that recruit denial and bargaining to hide behind. This sounds boilerplate obvious – but it is a BIG DEAL – watch out for it. Now let’s get out of  the near corner and into the backstretch.