Near corner

Jim, a marathon runner and young father with testicular cancer proudly told me  "I've been in remission now for two years and just now am becoming less fearful." By this, he really meant that his life had filled up again with enough normal things and his medical appointments were sufficiently far apart that he wasn't constantly reminded of his disease.

FAKE IT

 Theodore Roosevelt wrote in his diary during his trips into the wilderness, "There were all kinds of things of which I was afraid, but by acting as if I was not afraid, I gradually ceased to be afraid." This is effective, but it takes forcefully averting one's mind from frightening thoughts. But it is works provided it is only an act for temporary survival and not a disguise for denial..

Remember this blog deals with cancer on a timeline from diagnosis through making treatment decisions, overcoming the personal, interpersonal, social and spiritual impacts of diagnosis and treatment, and then remission, possible relapse and, for some, the home stretch when treatment is no longer effective. You have to start at the beginning as each entry builds on prior blogs. We are now still focusing on the early stages of dealing with the life impacts of diagnosis and treatment. The rest comes in the weeks ahead. Todays topic:

For newcomers to this page: know that this is all written to those who will be cured and those who won't and to all those who are not sure. We are talking about all the insidious ways fears can insinuate themselves in everyday life and how to recognize and overcome them. Freedom from fear enables a richer more joyful life. Now for strategies to overcome it.

We look around at those who have disabling phobias like the fear of heights or tight places or spiders and we think it is strange. The agoraphobic confines himself at home for fear of going outside. His world shrinks, avoidance behavior reigns. The fear of death does the same thing and imprisons many with walls that are hard to see. Both new and old relationships are walled off because they are perceived as too painful and what's the point?

The Dragon can just use fear to mess with you or to really take you out. When fear overrules reason, it poisons your intellect. Studies have shown that 90% of people put under severe stress are not able to think clearly or solve simple problems. Creativity, insight, cool thinking and rational reflection that are all necessary for a measured response to a problem are severely impaired.

It caught my attention and piqued my curiosity when I didn’t see fear in some patients. They would walk and not be faint. They would run and not grow weary. They would smile and I didn’t know why. I couldn’t tell whether something called them forward, or something lifted them from behind. I came to think of them as the WINDRUNNERS because they ran so well, faster, smoother and longer, as if lifted over the rocks and potholes of the track and their cancer. I started watching out for what was different about them.

Cancer actually can help in the universal human plight of dealing with fear by bringing many out in the open where they can be confronted and dealt with - but some stealthy ones will still remain. Most people have to drill down to see where fears have invaded the different arenas of their lives. Many people have been protected by a veneer of the good life, status, possessions or health such that they have been able to overlook the taunting of the Dragon or compensate for the wounds it inflicts. Fear is only something they read about or see in others; it is not real to them.

It may have worked with mom or dad, maybe even with a spouse but it doesn’t work with cancer.Bargaining is what I am talking about. None the less many people improve their behavior just in case an almighty power might reward them with healing grace in exchange. No Rabi, priest or pastor I have spoken with believes that is part of any divine equation, just a dragonish delusion to distract you from reality. Improving your behavior can improve relationships and save your marriage but it won’t save your life unless it involves quitting smoking or meth.  

Acceptance of the possible bad news is the first step towards meaningful life in spite of it. There are a few different roads to acceptance and a few different ways it can look when you get there – some better than others.