67 - BATON PASS & TELLING SECRETS

It is the time for telling secrets that have held you or others prisoner. It is a time to come out of any "cage of guilt"*²⁶ created at first by a little lie or deceptive omission, but perpetuated by more lies to protect the first making the bars bigger and bigger. It is not just about breakout freedom or divine forgiveness, but it is “…so that the person you're confessing to knows that they're not alone."*¹⁴ Small lies and omissions are common in life, but they seldom forecast the entrapment they create. When a mentor confesses, they not only break free, but they also model how confession and authenticity enable relationships to grow and individuals to thrive. Find them, even if they seem small and white, and boldly wash them away.

Before you decide to tell the secret you have been harboring you must consider why you would do  so. If it is just to purge yourself of guilt but may cause harm of any kind, I believe you must reconsider your plan. The coming clean should be healing never destructive of a relationship. Keep your focus on the endgame which hopefully isn’t about your own relief of guilt but the healthy growth and healing of your loved one.

You can open the topic with something like a regret for keeping secrets over the course of your life: “I regret I didn’t have the courage to tell the whole story years ago, that I withheld the parts that I was ashamed of… I regret I was more concerned about my reputation –more about what people thought of me than I was about you and …”

But be careful with both your secrets and your accomplishments. You don't want to harm or create a burden with either one. The issue with secrets is obvious, but less so with achievements. The word legacy conjures up visions of grandeur, material provision and a litany of successful endeavors in athletics, business, parenting, creativity or civic service. Beware, the first casualty of success can be humility – don’t let it happen.